I most recently began reflecting on my last nearly 2 years since becoming a mother. My first response from my midwife after finding out about my postpartum/shock depression was that I should be embracing activities and goals that will highlight my confidence. I needed to get back to my old mind frame. Not fully of course, we would never want to go back in time, especially after so much progress and strength came upon me during pregnancy. She wanted me to remember that I held the same soul I have always, just a stronger, older, more experienced one. Pregnancy for me hit me hard. I had so much support, and because of it, I went day by day smiling, while still scared to see each next day. After the advice from my midwife I decided to get back into modeling again. It was my dream since I was 10 years old. But what did it take? confidence. Models every single day radiated confidence, whether or not they were great at shielding their insecurities or not. All I knew, was I did not have much of it. I was confident in certain areas. I was confident about my progress, confident about who I was as a person, but I lacked so much confidence when it came to the physical. Transforming my entire body was the most incredible experience. But after my Avynn came along, it was time for me to transform back, but better. I set more goals, I tried to reach them, set more, and continued to try.
2014 was the year of the booty. Who doesn’t love booty? But that’s just an asset right? 😉
For years and years, generations after the next, dating back until forever, a woman’s body and the word “sexy” came hand in hand. When girls became women, how exciting right? Boobs overnight! Then came birth control, and women everywhere lusting for attention, physically, and emotionally. Women were expected to embrace makeup and tight clothing. Boys used to hold doors, and pass notes. Now boys turned to men, and notes turned to “sexts.” That’s what they’re called right? haha. “Nudes.” As years have continued, whom young girls looked to as role models went from family members, and maybe “Lizzie Maguire” to now popular celebrities. It’s how society works right? Of course, and we are all stuck within the grasp. However, personally I feel as if young girls are aging quicker, we know alllll about our generations baby boom of course, babies having babies right? Well these 12 year olds aren’t going to theaters every weekend anymore, they’re having sleepovers posting sexies. They’re in Ulta buying more lip liner. I am no hypocrite. I as well as many women in my generation will find celebrities almost sacred. I am inspired by Beyonce, and she could give a shit about who Kasha Carvalho is? We are all human though. Many celebrities inspire young women, and men to be themselves, while others flaunt their luxury, and “purchased features” allowing young women and girls to feel that their natural looks are not worthy. We all live in it, so I am sure we all see it. My thoughts are not to change the world over night, but to just put a reminder in each one of your back-brains! Embracing something you find attractive about a person, there’s nothing wrong with that; as long as you truly don’t feel that you NEED to change.
In 2014 I witnessed multiple women embracing a new workout schedule. This was great. Women everywhere decided to change their diets and lifestyles, to become a better version of themselves. It was almost like a fad right? All the while that was happening, we all witnessed mothers, sisters, school mates, neighbors, posting their “sexual” confidence on the internet. It was okay right? Celebrities did it. Models did it. I did it. Nothing about this is hypocritical, but a lesson. When I first gained confidence to get in front of a camera again, I saw my photos and it was a natural high. “That was me?!” Having the father of my daughter tell me that I was more beautiful now than he had ever seen me before really touched me. It was because he felt my confidence radiate. He reassured me that my scars, stretch marks; the entire experience was beautiful. Outsiders, acquaintances, friends, and family were all complimenting me on how strong I was; how beautiful. I was proud.
I soon realized that attention wasn’t drive. You don’t reach your dreams and goals by gaining attention. Whether the attention was positive or negative, that doesn’t move you closer to anything. They said “haters are motivators,” No. Why try to go through life proving anything to someone other than yourself? Attention comes and goes. That is not what I live for. I wanted more. I have strived to inspire women. I would not reach my goal of being an inspiration to others if I was letting others down; letting myself down. I talked to an old friend whom gave me his opinion about modeling in general and that embracing confidence doesn’t mean to prove down to your bare that you feel proud. Models are known for attention, and I wanted mine to be inspirational attention. Attention that would make a change. I had to stop letting my progresses outshine in a manner that was not tasteful to everyone. We should never aim to please others, but my goals are to inspire. I began to think and one night I brainstormed “4O1 fierce.” This networking website where I would have a bloglike webpage that kept my information personal so that readers everywhere could feel comfortable with me. Get to know that I am a down-to-earth person striving to make changes. I come from the smallest state, but sometimes I feel as if my mind and heart could explode from the ocean state. I was bigger than just taking images for self loathing. It was time to put more heart into what I strive to pursue as a career.
It was time to meet myself again. Who had I become? Was I truly proud?
I took baby steps next, with a small self portrait series. I began photographing myself, still being sexy, but instead of sexual, I wanted art. I wanted women to look at the photo and think, wow that’s beautiful vs. “wow she’s a mom, that’s disgusting”
Sexuality can go far if you embrace self-respect. That was my first goal. Post one more “ass shot” of 2014, see the reactions, see the “un-follows” then begin a new process.
My process was to break the internet. But not just dent it like Kim’s ass, actually make a small difference, whether it was just a simple “wow Kasha this is great!” Think about the amount of exposure we are giving humans that could care less about you. These are not people inspiring you to embrace your naturals, they are motivating all to change or follow foot steps. That is not what’s important. Your true self worth is important. You becoming separate from what society molds you to. We are in the kiln becoming small sculptures. We should all slowly break out. Positive attention for something you naturally embrace without the need to compare or put another person down, is key.
Sometimes a simple compliment can become a strive of determination. I came across a magazine issue that embraced a woman in her skin, but nothing like what the internet, and “snapchat” sees daily.
I began to re-ask myself, chop your head off, what is your favorite feature? Then I said, NO, confidence is never and should never only be physical. So I asked again, what do you love about you? What are you proud of? Close your eyes. You have no body, you are a soul. We forget that. This generation forgets that. Celebrities forget that. Society forgets that. We are souls. Unique souls.
So what was I most confident about? becoming a mother. How strange right? Well, instantly a smile came to my face. I then realized. I love to smile. I smile when I am happy, when I am confident. WE ALL DO. A smile was the first thing that I found attractive about my daughters father, my boyfriend. The first thing that made me fall in love; the way he could make me smile, in any condition. Witnessing my daughters first smile; that was the biggest boost of confidence I had experienced.
Smiles are so contagious. Nudes can spread fast, and today they spread faster than a smile. That is sad. This can’t continue. I can’t change the world, but I can change mine.
Embracing our bodies can definitely be sexy, but think about it. It is so easy to drop our clothing. It is so hard for others to drop a smile to one another today. There is more bullying than anything. More hate crime, and internet bullying, daily. We can take a sexy selfie and exploit our bodies in 1 photo. Then the photo posts, everyone sees the one image, the one way our body looks. We won’t post our bodies until we are “confident enough”, like what, after a workout or after a shower. But how many different ways can we smile? SO many. Our bodies are unique to us, but after our sacred goodies are revealed, then what? Who are they sacred to? Our smiles like our bodies always change. But our smile is ours to keep forever, and that is never negative. From birth we have smiled through gums, til our death when we smile with gums til the end. In between, we smirk, chuckle, laugh, and grin. Like our bodies, our smiles are unique, but will never be known to attract negative confidence; except when others become envious of our happiness. But if we all smile,we all embrace happiness. Becoming a mother made me smile. Posting assets wouldn’t make my daughter smile. We can be confident, we can flaunt, and we can be proud, but only if for the right reasons. Only if you truly feel that who you are is who you want to be.
I am proud of who I am because I will strive to transform our ideas of sexy. A sexy selfie can not compare to your sexiest smile! It’s sad but so true that we all, men and women highlight our bodies, and other’s bodies, based on their “sexual” features. I feel that the most confident women embrace their smile.
Let’s break the internet with our teeth.
As much as we embrace the boobies, and the booty, let’s all remember that about 60% of people who cover their mouths while they chuckle, hold an insecurity. No one is perfect, but a smile is contagious, so let’s #breakteeth ladies! Boys may fall in love with bodies, but the classic man will always fall for a smile. Ask your partner their top 5 favorite things about you. Guaranteed your smile will be one of them! The majority of women today bully other women, just because woman wants to impress the man. Let’s impress ourselves. Let’s impress our families;our children.Then we can impress each other.
Think again about how easy it is to take your clothes off, and how hard it is to smile through hard times. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Now what about your smile? Crooked, gapped, straight, and all; each smile is unique.
Each day is a new way to discover your strengths and weaknesses. Remember who you truly are, because sometimes this crazy world leads us otherwise. Anti-bullying stops when we all become confident in something other than the confidence to put others down. Remember, no one can put you down if you know who you truly are; if you embody your true confidence.
I hope my smile is contagious 😉
Show me how you #breakteeth