Therapy

Writing has always been my biggest outlet. I remember begging my mom for a small notebook that was shaped like a denim pocket- I found it at a gas station when I was young for $1.99. I remember her saying yes, maybe it was my grandma, I can’t remember- but regardless I got a yes.

Every day after school I wrote in this little book-stupid stuff, about my crush, or how a friend hurt my feelings. Then I took this book with me to my first Florida trip. I remember venting to my pages about how I was chewing my gum to avoid my ears popping, and I talked myself through staying calm with my pen to paper.

When I went to Universal Studios I had all of the characters sign in this book. When I got home I lost the book and was devastated- not for the autographs, but for my journalism. I feel like it was a connection with myself.

I remember in high school we wrote Autobiography’s. This was huge for me because I’ve always wanted to write a book, and although no one may have given a shit about all of the pain I put into the pages- I noticed how therapeutic pouring my heart into pages was.

When I entered college I almost wanted to go for journalism because of my passion for writing, but I soon realized I wrote for me, not for others- I still do. Well, and to the dozen of you who actually take time to read these words.

In Elementary I had the pleasure of having one of my poems published by Alan Shawn Feinstein. In middle school I won an essay writing prompt for the state. I just heard words in my head and put them to paper. My creative side I found at an early age with my words.

Years after beginning this blog I started to neglect it. I feel like bloggers blog to blog. Blog for money, blog to show off their materials, blog to inspire or give little tricks to their readers. It’s all great, but I stopped because I don’t like stereotypes. I don’t like calling myself an “influencer.” I am a leader. I learned that when my mental health was being sacrificed because of following a 9-5, just for a paycheck.

I am deciding to transform this site a little. I don’t want to post my fashion on here anymore. You can find my styling, my brags and boasts on my other outlets. I want to come back to square one. I want this platform to be used as therapy. Advice, inspiration; for all ages.

My whole life I’ve been transparent with people. My bosses, my family, my friends. Now at almost 28 years old I’ve learned huge hurtful realities: no one has the same heart as us. People only choose to share their best selves with us, and people may not even meet you 1/2 way when you exude 150%. Many of you probably already knew this. I already learned this, then had to re learn this lesson over and over until I finally learned to accept this. The reality is, some people are scared to be vulnerable, to trust 100% because a lot of us are misunderstood, and many people have allowed their trust issues to over power their faith. And this is okay! Because of this though, sometimes it’s easier for people to turn to podcasts, books, blogs to take advice, or listen to others. It’s comfortable for people to let their guards down behind closed doors.

I’ve always battled back and forth about allowing too much of myself on the internet, and in person over exuded myself to far too many people. However, in today’s society many people find comfort on the internet. It’s powerful man. Today I just want to keep it short and sweet and explain that writing really is the best form of therapy for me, aside from my at home workouts. My sister bought me a journal which I promised myself to write in on my bad days. It allows me to feel the emotion, and instantly release it. During New Moons I write to myself or those who have hurt me, or have a cord attached to me, and then I burn these pages and let them go.

If there is something you are going through currently that doesn’t go an hour without crossing your mind, and it’s taking a toll on your energy- write.

I began a book a few months ago and ended up deleting all of it. I noticed I was being too blaming on the conditions in my life, and realized I didn’t like the energy in the chapters. Crazy how thoughts become words and how powerful these run our entire lives.

Here’s my first post venting. Encouraging all of you to vent to yourselves as well. Go out and grab a journal. We all have phones- use the Notes app. Something about pen to paper is way more therapeutic though.

If any of you need advice, an ear, a shoulder- I’m here to help, answer, and listen.

Writing brings out the kid in me, what brings out the inner child in you?

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