It’s been awhile, as I always say…and this time it was to refresh myself. For months now I’ve been re-finding myself, refining myself. It takes a lot of courage to distance yourself from people you love. It takes strength to sit in solitude, and choose silence instead of stepping forward. There have been so many “tower” moments I’ve faced in this past year. I truly feel like for the past 5-ish years on New Years Eve I was screaming “this is my year,” and then I received a year full of lessons; blessings in disguise.
Six months ago I quit my 9-5, and then hopped on a roller coaster. Every single aspect in my life changed, my family dynamic changed because my husband picked up a second job and started working 7 days a week. My daughter’s school ended, so I had to adjust back into being a stay-at-home mom of 2 again, full days with no “breathing time.” But I felt whole again. With my babies, being creative, and never looking back. A healthy mind was all that I was striving for. Being around the wrong crowd can truly absorb you. I slowly started feeling my energy draining and I began taking a step back from blogging again. Only posting to make some quick money, and losing touch of purpose. I was waiting to start up a new job that would allow me to tap back in to my creative realm, along with continuing to build my brand; and mannnnnnnnn it’s been a long road.
I’ve learned patience, faith, dedication, but more importantly my self worth, and divine timing! As soon as I started feeling re-aligned and back in my power, it seemed as if I faced another tower moment, another hardship, another loss. I had to train my mind to see the good in every scenario.
We live in a time where we are in the habit and routine of waking up and doing what we feel we have to do. I was waking up going to a 9-5 having spurts of good days, and then tedious repetitive days completing tasks to fulfill someone else’ goals/dream. We get so used to living this way in work scenarios, that sometimes we find this pattern spilling into our personal lives. We feel we have to keep toxic company because we are scared to hurt others. We feel we are so busy and drained that we find ourselves canceling plans. And sometimes company isn’t even “toxic,” we just outgrow people, get sick of being engulfed in drama, or really just need a “time out.”
A time out is taking care of your mental. Putting your priorities first. Stop neglecting your health, and happiness because it seems too hard to break your comfortable patterns.
As soon as I stepped back into my power, I found myself feeling tired and sick- all I could think of was something’s gotta give mannnn. I finally feel like i’m on the correct path and boom now I start feeling like garbage. I remember I was at home, alone- getting ready for a photoshoot. I started booking shoots again a few months back to delve into my creative realm again. As I was throwing some makeup on I found myself getting hit with a wave of nausea. NO_WAY. I took a test, and boom- positive.
I didn’t cry this time. The first two children I bawled. This time I sat there, called my sister, called James, and continued to do my makeup. I went to the shoot, I killed it, and then my life changed in the blink of an eye-again.
From what seemed like another tower moment slowly turned into a blessing when I witnessed how happy James was. This time around, I was the nervous one, and he was feeling blessed. I thank god for such a strong partner. As soon as I started putting my faith into God, and flowing day by day my blessings started to scream right in my face: look at my progress. Look at my present. I prayed for this life. I wanted a family of my own. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with James. I wanted this apartment. I felt as if my heart opened up. I suddenly felt overjoyed. This wasn’t how things were planned, but God has plans. I’m here to remind you all that each day that we are able to breath-we are blessed. And that is enough. It’s not about the money, or the materials- it never was to me.
This year has given me a lot of lessons, and I really would have never been able to keep raising my vibration unless I experienced every.single.moment.
I am reminding you all to take that time out. Take that leap of faith. Don’t stay in that toxic relationship/friendship. Start that “idea.” Reach out to old friends. Forgive. Love. Be KIND. We all have battles. We are all one, experiencing this journey in our own way. So take a TIME OUT. Cancel plans, but only if your body/mind needs it. GO meet with that friend, because if your cup is full, help fill theirs when they need it.
We are about 3 months closer to a brand new year, and I’m feeling so powerful, inspired, and strong. We are welcoming baby #3 in March 2020. Here are some beautiful captures for all of you: