Fierce at it’s finest

Today I want to take a step back, and step into my power again. Power comes in all forms in my life, but what it always boils down to are the deepest feelings that overwhelm my body in the most motivating and inspiring ways.

I’ve always tended to “blog” the easy way- quick posts on Instagram, because Lord knows I wasn’t finding enough time to write a full post, edit it, add photos, then link it here, there, and everywhere.

But today, I realized again-the power of social media. I woke up to a negative comment; but then a massive amount of emails and messages of people reaching out in all directions- from beauty questions with products i’m trying out, and even work opportunities.

Around 10 am this morning I regained my power. I was finally in control again in my life. And in control, and in my power, is not being “perfect,” or having a “smooth” day. In control and in my power feels crazy; chaotic. FIERCE.

I’ve been avoiding small tasks lately- putting clean laundry away, scrubbing lipstick off my rug, cleaning the toilet seat- showering. haha #momlife right? right!

10 am was the start of a conversation that landed me another at-home job-score! Then 11:15 am was a call leading to progress for my brand. I immediately felt a rush fill my body when I hung up these calls. Partially in control of today and my near future. I sent the emails I needed to send, and stumbled across a friend’s Facebook post. She described a hard day with her toddler. I’ve seen a ton of these posts lately. I’ve been so inspired by these, and lost the drive to also speak of these topics because I was at a 9-5 for almost a year and didn’t get to witness full blown motherhood at the time.

After explaining to my friend how amazing she is, I walked into my room and I felt the first bit of overwhelm. I walked in to find my 2 year old created yet again another disaster. Every day is a new one. I’ve hesitated to post experiences because of judgment from “non parents,” but shit; i’m transparent, and my energy is protected. No one can sway how I feel about myself or how I decided to raise my girls/ embrace motherhood.

Ivory is my little thunder. I call her and Avynn “thunder and lightning,” I looked at my desk, and there she was. Mind you, while I was on the phone I was making sure to keep checking in on her to make sure she was still on my bed watching “Coco.” Now my desk is decently organized-but not technically “child proof.” There’s eye shadow palettes, makeup brushes, lip stick etc. Child proofing is great, but my desk is for me, so I’ve been trying to teach my girls to respect others personal boundaries when it comes to materials.

Any wayssssss- She turns around at me and boom, full blown raccoon face.Eye shadow eyes, painted face, lip stick, and hands covered in my brand new eye shadow palette. My desk chair covered. My white comforter covered. Mind you, a few weeks back I was finishing up dishes (trusting her to play in her room with her dolls) when I walked into the same exact scenario. It was so wild I had to document it in video. Which I will be posting a video on my channel about the Fierce realities of Mom.

Granted, okay shes two it’s going to take time to teach her the concept of boundaries. So, I grab her by the arms so her hands cant touch anything else, and run the tub for her. I give running water baths while I cleaned the toilet. These are baths where I don’t plug the tub, and just let her free play in the water, with cups and ABC foam letters.

So I clean the bathroom, she plays. I get her out, she gets herself dressed in some jammies and I was fine with that. I lay her in the bed because nap time for miss Ivory is 11a-12p or 11:30a-12:30p. What a laugh today, meanwhile it’s 12:!5 she’s cried for “yo-get,” (yogurt), and I denied her 3x after her having a donut this morning, half of my breakfast sandwich, 2 sips of my coffee that I bribed her with when she brought her dads soda bottle to me, crying for that.

Lately I’ve been trying to say “yes” to my girls more. Mostly because my 6 year old thinks i’m a “mean mom.” More importantly because saying yes has eased a little more anxiety for me and dodged a few more tantrums from both girls. Helping them will help me, which helps them. I just don’t want “brats,” or “spoiled ones.”

So next, nap time attempt #3. I stopped working, and realized -shit she’s such a little babe I need to treat her like a baby for a minute. I picked her up and began singing, and rocking her. She cries for pasta. I tell her once she wakes up from her nap I will make it for her. I tell her, “your belly needs to rest.” She tells me “my hungry mommy.” I ignore her 2-year-old requests and start singing. Always improv-made-up lullaby’s. They work for 30 seconds because she’s confused at why there’s so many songs involving her.

She stiffens her body and throws the 4th tantrum since waking up. I laugh at her because of how strong she is and how hard it was for me to contain her long body. She gets so angry. I told her to close her eyes and began to blow softly on her face saying over and over “my beautiful baby, awwww, close your eyes baby, I love you, i’m gonna rock you, go to sleep.” She started to calm down and close her eyes. I thought “yasssssss.” …….nope. She opens her eyes and says “okay mommy I sleep.” (Meaning she thinks she slept because she closed her eyes for almost 3 minutes). I busted out laughing because she’s so cute it’s disgusting how much this one controls my emotions-i love it.

She then tries to distract me and tells me to look at her foot, then continues to show me every “boo boo” she has. All I wanted to do was answer all of these messages and emails blowing up my phone. But I realized this moment I wouldn’t feel again once shes no longer interested in cuddling with me. I figured hey make her the pasta, fill her belly-then get back to work.

Meanwhile I write this and it’s 2:30. Her sister gets off the bus at 3:10/3:15 depending on the day. We ran all errands this morning, and stayed outside running around the trees letting the sun “kiss us” as we say. But today, my plan was to put away that dirty laundry, answer those emails, clean that toilet seat and shit maybe take a shower for the first time in 2 days?

I came into my power again by letting go. Releasing the anxiety and pressure to do it all. Today I had to cater to the every need, crumb, and bittersweet cuddle of my two year old.

Being fierce is realizing each fear. Fear of deadlines, imperfection, and mistakes- but doing it all anyways. Bossing up every day and making sure I chip away at mastering what “balance” truly is.

I made a promise to myself today to answer each scream from my higher self. Today she was screaming to keep embracing my journey- with it first being motherhood and remaining natural, organic, and transparent.

And if you need a laugh today- here’s one: I finally looked over to see this (I smiled so big), and right when she heard the click of my camera she wiggled a bit and then finally woke up and whined for “more pasta please mama.” It’s 2:42 pm and still no nap; sigh – I got this.

 

lol

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Woah. Time to glow.

Guys!!! It has seriously been a long long long time coming. I re-downloaded my blog app, and I’ve never been more excited to share my journey with you all.

I always forget how therapeutic it is to write out my experiences. I spent the past 11 months working a 9-5. More like a 1-10pm that left me with very little satisfaction-but I pushed through, up until yesterday. Yesterday I decided to quit my job. Full force, no notice to my co-workers, no 2 week notice. An email sent, and boom I released myself.

It was time to focus all of my energy back into myself; My family. Before I am a mother I am a 27 year old strong, powerful, creative woman. I have so much to offer back to myself- and then the world. I needed to reinvest into my visions, my dreams, MY goals. Not 9 hour shifts that left me drained, regretful, and anxious. I had to do this, especially to make sure I was able to be the best mom and wife I can be.

Don’t get me wrong these past 11 months taught me so much about myself, the world around me, and most importantly it re-opened my eyes to exactly why I never wanted to settle for a corporate job- my dreams, goals and requests will never compare to a store managers goal to hit the month. I was slaving for someone else’s dreams that didn’t impact my mental health, nor my pocket.

I do not want to put too much regret into my experiences because as I said-this year has taught me so so so much! I met some amazing people, and learned all the lessons god gave me. Throughout this 9-5 life, I also got very very embedded in my spiritual journey. I met investors who believed in my vision for my shoe design, and I also applied to be Executive of Design & Marketing for a start up brand! If it wasn’t for my faith, and following my intuition, I would have never taken jumps towards these goals of mine.

Because of being so in touch with my higher self, I knew this is where my path had to end; and begin. I am finally in my power again, and right now I feel vulnerable but so sure about myself.

To anyone battling with depression, anxiety, overthinking, unhappiness, (any mental health battle) just know that sometimes it’s best to just push that reset button. If there’s something you’ve wanted to do and have been waiting for the right time: now is that time. We are the only ones in control of our own happiness. We cannot be happy with our lives unless we are happy with our present. And of course every day and every moment won’t be so “great,” but those were my 11 months. Not “great,” but I pushed. Just know that during those days I was still happy at how far I had come from even the 11 months before then.

I cannot wait to share more with you all-in hopes to inspire more like-minded individuals to jump. Take the dive. Live every day pushing towards your dreams-even the ones everyone thinks you’re absolutely crazy for.

It feels great to write again, talk soon-

Xx 4o1fierce

Spring peakin’ w/prints!

Another day that started beautiful, and then reminds us how crazy New England weather is -eye roll

March is almost over and the minute the sun shines, best believe I’ve been taking full advantage haha

I’ve had this outfit for months and months but finally decided to whip it out! I looooove love love love love love mixing. I’ve been called tacky, corny, old-grandpa-ish

I want to focus on skirts today! Since I was younger I was so self conscious of my legs (especially in skirts). They resembled 2 toothpicks, then two hot dogs haha

However, I never realized how versatile they could be!! I’ve worn this skirt on the weekend with a graphic tee and sneakers, and today I decided to dress it up!

Like I said a thousand times I love to wear prints, just wait and see how I begin to clash them!! Don’t be scared ladies, there are never any rules I swear!

I decided to pair this outfit with these little white booties for a classic twist! I was also in gooooood need of a tan-and some moisturizer on my knees- yikes

It’s been awhile since I’ve just put together outfits for me, for the sake of embracing my creativity. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day-by-day that we forget to outshine our creativity to the fullest.

This was also before I completely chopped more hair off- and toned it rose gold! Can’t wait to show you guys!

I guess you can say I’ve been itching for a change, and staying bold!

I purchased this skirt from my favorite local boutique here in Rhode Island called Elle G ( I’ve mentioned them several times-as well as included this skirt in a haul last month on my YouTube Channel). If you’re interested in this skirt here are my fav selling points-

•It has pockets!

• It’s stretchy!

• It buttons up instead of zips!

• Versatile material so it looks great dressed up or dressed down!

Purchase here – Gingham Skirt!

Also, I am wearing mine in a size medium! I suggest going a size smaller if you choose to wear it high waisted because without a belt I had some gap!!

Hope you all have a great Easter!

Xx, 4O1FIERCE

What is this weather?!

March 26, and the sun is slowly peaking out-I’m begging for nicer weather!!!

Yesterday was James and my 13th year together-knowing, growing, and loving. This week I finished my last mid-term, so over all I’m feeling accomplished, and ready for Spring. We all are. Our family also just went through a tremendous loss of a close family member so I’m struggling to keep it all together.

Life is precious, and powerful.

I want to keep this short and sweet- here’s a look I put together. Ladies-take a basic pair of denim and a t-shirt and make an over coat and your shoes the star of the show!

Details about my outfit can be found always on my Instagram at @kashaxmarie

Tomboy X

It’s been forever, I know I know! It was my Spring break this past week, and all I did was stress about 1 more mid term coming Tuesday- haha

James and I go to always go to Florida every year for our Anniversary, and Avynn’s birthday as well. This year we decided to skip the vacation and reach some bigger goals.

With being on-the-go (always) I promised myself I’d do more than just “throw myself together”, but let.me.tell.you. Menswear has been my go-to since pregnancy!

I teamed up about a month ago with a brand called TomboyX . I love what their brand stands for, they embrace all shapes and sizes-they sell bras and underwear. I decided to wear my 9″ briefs in a menswear look that was so so comfy!

I loved the color of these boxers, and how soft they are. These are from their Micromodal collection! I have another pair I’ll be capturing soon. James is already fighting me for these.

Hopefully we will be seeing more of a glimpse of Spring soon-I love taking basic shoes and a basic top, and having shorts/skirt as the highlight!

Curling wand VS. Curling iron?!

Hey guys!

As you know my main focus lately has been about hair! Wanna know why? …After having baby #2 it’s no lie that I have less and less time. That’s two little girls anddddd me to get ready and out-the-door!

I was such a bun woman, haha throwing my hair in a bun, making my hair break! I swear the only time I felt happy with my hair was post-salon.

Once I discovered L’ange I’m not kidding my entire routine has changed. I use their 25mm barrel wand! I’ve tried out over 4 different “curling tools”, including using a straightener to curl my hair, but what I fell in love with was 1. Not only do my curls last 3-4 days, 2. I never “mess up.”I bet you know what I’m talking about, remember being young and having someone curl your hair with a curling iron and hating it so you had to rake your hair out with your fingers until you got home and brushed it all out?! Maybe I was just particular hahaI never ever liked the aftermath of a curling iron (yikes)- I got 2 perms before agreeing to get a curl from a curling iron. The downfalls I feel with a curling iron is that “curly sue,” identical looking curls-vibe.I feel that curling irons are “precise.” The barrels of them having an attached clamp forms your curls for you, or I should say- keeps them in place. However; I feel that the wand obviously is all how you control your hair, it’s just there to heat you up!Because I only have to worry about 1 step: wrapping my hair around it, I just feel like it’s easy, simple, and my curls come out however I want them to! There’s hair freedom with a wand- and healthier curls with L’ange’s wands! With the 25mm wand that I’ve been using, which you can see here “Ondule” , I can achieve beach waves, tight ringlets, messy flip curls-you name it! Also, the titanium barrel is so safe on my hair, it leaves my curls soft and bouncy, not stiff like I get from other curling tools! There are a bunch of different wands that L’ange offers, and I highly suggest trying one out-it saved my life- no lie!I can now curl my hair and have hair for 3-4 Days that looks like I “tried” haha (a moms dream right?)Ask me how to save! And check out these messy curls I achieved from my wand!

Wait….Winter workouts?!

So obviously we’ve all heard of “making summer bodies in the winter” right? I really never even attempted this until after I had little babes! You know the whole no shaving in winter? Haha let’s just say I used to hibernate my workouts all winter long pre-babies.

In today’s society I swear bullying is getting worse, and self esteem is dropping lower-let me re-phrase true self acceptation is decreasing no matter how much confidence people show online. I won’t get much into that today, after all this is about outer appearance I want to focus on!

After kids not only did my day-to-day life/school/work schedules change but my eating habits/workout habits/”lack-there-of” have all gone bonkers. After Avynn, and again after Ivory I developed umbilical hernias. This made my workouts super painful and made my stomach constantly bloat. After giving birth to these huge monsters my midwife suggested for me to grab a waist trainer and train 2 hours a day to help re-build my core. After undergoing a surgery to repair 2 huge hernias in July my workouts have fluctuated.

This post is for the Mama’s, or really anyone super busy who needs alternatives. Or maybe this post is for me-to motivate, to look back and see progress.

After Avynn my stomach was terrible. I carried a 9lb 4.5 oz 21.5″ beast , and once she arrived my skin was stretched, my stomach was scarred and marked. I did core workouts and used a ton of “wraps” on my tummy and almost 2.5 years later I was seeing results but never publicly would reveal my stomach (aside from family). However, my confidence remained because I gave birth to a mix of myself and the love of my life- life’s greatest gift.

It reminded me of childhood where I remember never judging myself, never caring about anything physically aside from how skinny I was and how hard it was for me to gain weight. I remember buying boxes of Twinkie’s and housing them before bed-lol gross.

After Ivory my hernias were worse-another big babe: 9 lb 1.5oz 20.5″ thanks Jamesy

Now after Ivory, I realized how much harder life was with 2. Guys….INSANE. Two girls is like having 20 I swear it. I love it though, I’m busy, or stressing 24/7. So when I’d want to bang out a workout I’d finally get Ivory down, while Avynn destroyed her room with dolls, clothes, and anything she could steal from my room.

I soon started chopping workouts in half-then I’d throw my waist trainer on and be out-the-door.

I slowly started slipping into a depression- life, unfortunate events, and lack of workouts took over me. So the waist trainer turned to a habit. Then I had my surgery. After surgery I had 8 weeks with no lifting-yikes

Depression grew and grew, I needed a boost quick. I hurdled over all of my downfalls and slowly started workouts again. Once I started my semester in September between classes I drove home while my mom still had my girls and I killed every workout. To speed up results I started using a scar cream from Celsus . They sent it to me just in time for my surgery and I finally whipped it out.

It’s now 5 months later and my skin is finally tightening, my abs are slowly creeping through, and my surgery scars are fading beautifully-esp with a fresh spray tan

Their scar cream is used for not only scars but stretch marks and also helps with anti-aging!

I’m offering a discount for anyone interested!

However, to complete this post I have a few tips to reaching those body “wins.”

First: Accept that you’re human, but don’t use that as an excuse. I did this for too long. Telling myself “oh well, you’re never going to look better you had two kids.” This is crap. Because I’m a strong woman, I bounce back; we all do. It’s mind over matter for sure, and I wish I screamed this in the mirror 4 years ago.

Second: Make time for you! I’m extremely blessed with way too much help from my huge family. My mom, my sisters, my brother, James’ family; everyone. Since day one if I had appointments, work, school, blog events, anything: I could count on someone. Don’t be scared to ask for help, or accept help. You’re not a bad person for taking some time for you. Don’t go crazy, just take a segment of time out of your day/week to get yourself pampered, go to the gym, escape life and read a book for an hour. Mine was going home and working out before picking the girls up

Third: EAT! No seriously, too many people stay so busy they skip meals. This was 2017 in a nut shell for me. First I started working 2 jobs trying to hustle-only eating breakfast then a late dinner after 9:30pm. Then I started classes and picked on snacks between classes-you could say the coffee diet was reaaaaaal. However I soon realized the only words out of my mouth each day was “ughh I’m so tired.” Breakfast is most important, we all know that, but all day we need to snack, and eat for energy- otherwise we crash, slump, and become lazy. Common sense right? So I learned to plan ahead. Left overs are perfect lunches. Eggs with peppers and onions cooks in 6 minutes-bam. And then, grab a protein shake, this gives me more energy than any coffee!

Lastly: Find balance. It’s the hardest part of becoming a parent let me tell you. It’s a tough feeling knowing you have to rely on someone else to care for your children so you can selfishly go to school or go to work. This is why I understand why people wait until career stages to have children. Or why people marry then have children-I don’t know how single parents do it-I’m so blessed to have James. I’m so blessed for my family for helping me. However, as I said it’s tough finding balance/accepting balance. You want to dedicate all of your energy into one thing; being a good parent, but spending time away from the girls to go to class or work kills, especially knowing someone else is with them so much. Or wanting to put all of your energy into taking care of your body but instead skipping meals. But we can all be selfish. Again, take an hour a day to do something for yourself.

I find flexibility in motherhood. I won’t workout every day, but I find 5 Days. I throw some Celsus on my stomach, clip on my waist trainer and keep it on for a few hours after my workouts. Not only has my waist trainer helped with workouts, but after workouts it makes my stomach feel so much better. You have to find what works best, what boost helps results come quicker. I always thought it was harder to workout than to be lazy but I was 100% wrong. It’s way harder being lazy. Because all the results we’ve built up, restarts and it’s 10x harder to step back up again.

No white after Labor Day?!

Hey! As always, I’ve taken a huge step back from this. I just pushed through mid terms, got super sick, then came my birthday and Halloween! I just turned 26 and I feel like a grandma….seriously I was in bed by 11 that night haha 

Overall though, I’ve been so proud of myself to be able to balance. I’ve balanced two crazy girls at home, 5 classes, weddings, other events, and still finding time for workouts and blogs! 

I received this outfit that was completely out-of-my-element, I originally wore it on my birthday, and totally felt like a nun. The usual me would take the shirt and pair it with a different bottom, or vice versa, buttttt I took the leap and went all out with all-white-everything.

I’ll keep this short and sweet! You can find this set at Style We 

Xx, 4O1FIERCE 

Triple threat 

Happy Wednesday! Happy October! I say this every time but it’s seriously been forever. I’m a busy bee, 5 classes is no joke, with 2 girls is even more hilarious: but needless to say I’m killin it! 

I’m working for an amazing brand right now (from home which is ideal), so I promised myself I would blog more and have the girls involved. I’ve gotten so many requests for the girls to be in the spotlight again and honestly how could I resist?! 

Avynn loves her photo taken, but Ivory was a whole different story haha- James was a trooper he kept chasing her then putting her in her “spot” and running out of the frame quickly


Cheetah/leopard made its way back on shelves and I’m not mad. I feel a sense of power wearing it, it’s so bold. The girls are animals so this was perfect for them 


I’ve had this top for years, and also I’m loving how faux leather is back! 

I tried to dress down my look with these slippers from Simply Vera Wang

Also, I love that I can dress this skirt up or down, with a blouse or a loose tee! 


Ave was in such a good mood she kept saying “Mama remember we used to blog when Ivory was in your belly?” Haha

I used to do anything to keep us out of the house while I was still pregnant  but having 2 girls is like having 20, I swear 

We grabbed some pretty cute shots, and how cute are their matching skirts from Old Navy?!You guys will also see a lot more of this bag! I’ve teamed up with Lily Jade-this is the chic-est diaper bag I’ve ever seen- obsessed! I’ll be posting on Instagram some amazing features it has!  

I’ll keep it short and sweet today- but I wanted to throw red into this blog set to symbolize the strength and power of family. Vegas is still in my thoughts and prayers, and it’s been so hard for me to shake. Hold your family and friends extra tight, all we need to spread is love more than anything.